transiency - lasting but short time

Where I'm absence - Mersing

There were no travelers in that dormitory besides six simple pipe beds. I got to the one by the window. In the afternoon, when I had nothing to do, I would sprawl on the bed with looking at the ceiling.

The hum of the electric fan happened to overlap with my heartbeat. The beats of my inside and outside became one rhythm. At the moment, my sense of reality became vague, and I found myself reaching to the film between virtual and real. And I also got the feeling that I was lying on the film.

It was the second Sunday since I've started my journey. Seven nights and mornings were in a foreign country. But that didn't elevate me at all. I was facing strange boredom and tedium in vain. Purpose, my purpose - I didn't search for it. Searching for purpose was not a reason to start my journey.

Yesterday I was fooling around the town in Mersing. Just walking around was enough, and I could see almost all in the town. There was no landmark. There was only a row of houses, which was almost same I had seen in Malaysia. I bought a drinking water, smoked, looked at the sky, talked a little in Malay, and walked into the diner I saw, and had a small meal. I was all alone. Wherever I went, I was totally alone.

Probably, there is nothing that I can get at the end of this trip.

Once my psychiatrist told me that all I had to do was to think of and take care of myself. "Take better care of myself." Though it sounded logical in my head, I couldn't get it. I just knew that phrase. But it is too vague for me.

I heard weeping child from window. It sounded as if he was desperately trying to scrape scattered memory. I could not even guess what he cried for.

When I closed my eyes, I saw Tokyo, which disappeared in a moment. It might be raining in Tokyo, while I was absent there. It occurred to me suddenly.

I missed the warm rain in July gently touching to my skin.

translated by Nao Uematsu ©