transiency - lasting but short time

Wall in my heart - Kluang

I might be tired from last night.

I took the bus for Mersing, at the East Coast in Malay Peninsula. Our bus left at 12:45. As soon as it started, I fell asleep. The engine was comfortably vibrating. The sunlight on my cheek reminded me of someone's warm touch.

I found myself alone in the bus in a big terminal. Nobody, even driver was in the bus. It was 3:45 PM.

I just got off the bus, and wandered around the city. Even after walking for a while, I had no doubt that I was in Mersing. Several times I asked people passing by where the tourist information desk was, but most of them told that they didn't have such a thing. But again, I was still sure that I was in Mersing. I got vegetable sandwiches at the stand, had little water, and smoked. I sat down in the shadow of the huge department store and got down my backpack on the ground.

I felt somehow that I was a stranger in the town, and people, on the street, seemed to have odd gloomy mood in their eyes. There were concrete benches in a line beside the street. I found the girl weeping there. She was less than 10 years old and in a sooty shirt. Her sobbing could be heard intermittently in the city noise. It sounded like my tear from myself, I thought I should stand up. I really thought I should. But I couldn't possibly do it.

Many cars were continuously going back and forth on the main street before me. Leaning on the wall, I just saw it for a while. Everybody had his own destination. Everybody was on the way to somewhere. I followed the bikes, going away from behind, with my eyes. And I was thinking that I had nowhere to go.

At the side of driveway, there was the street sign showing the name of the street. And the other sign showed the directions to the main cities by arrows. To Melaka, to Air Hitam... Uh-huh, to Mersing, one of arrows bent to the left from this main street.

I found myself suddenly in a cold sweat.

"Why do we need the sing for Mersing in Mersing?"

I was upset and stood up. I got back to the bus terminal and asked the name of this city to the lady at information desk. As I expected, her answer didn't sound like "Mersing". The name was "Kluang".

I checked the ticket, which I bought in Melaka. And I realized that "Via Kluang" was surely printed on it. I stopped off the wrong station. I told my embarrassing mistake to the woman at the information desk to show that I had paid the ticket to Mersing. That made her surprised very much, but she told me that I could take the next bus to Mersing for that ticket and that I didn't have to get extra ticket for it.

After I thanked her, she told me that the next bus would be at 9:00 PM. It was still before 4:30 by my watch. I withered away. How can I spend more than 4 hours here?

I left from the desk, and sat down by the sidewalk. Everything was annoying. The heat twisted around my neck, the fragments of someone's conversation and someone's singing out of tune from somewhere. I pulled my hat over my brow, and kept my eyes down on the ground to avoid any eye contacts. I felt my heart beating against my chest wall quicker than ever.

At the edge of the pave road, where paper trash was scattered, the dragonfly paused from somewhere. I put my hands together at my nose like I was praying and I squinted my eyes to gaze at his sheer wing. I was wrapped by humidity, and my sweat, through to my cheek and dropped from my chin.

translated by Nao Uematsu ©